Favorite Post Secrets Of The Week & A Video;

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

Wordless Wednesday;;

Random Thoughts With Pictures! :D

Album You Really Need To Go Out And Buy:

The Avett Brothers Present: Emotionalism

Favorite Things We Forget Of The Week:

Favorite Post Secret Of The Week:

I'm Not A Blonde Anymore! :D

I Am Offically A "Dark Brown/Reddish" Haired Child,

View Here In These Two Comparison Pictures:

After!

Before!

Apparently I Tweet About Love, School, And People A Lot,

A Little For Your Information Going On Here:

View My Tweet Cloud Of Awesomeness Going On Down There...

Because Sometimes...

Because sometimes it's easier to say,

"I hate you", Than "i miss you,"

"I wish we didn't fight"; "I wish you would call me sometimes."

Because sometimes,

It's easier to think,

Screw life, screw work, screw everything,

Than admit that you're overwhelmed & feel like you're drowning.

Because sometimes,

It's easier to admit the simple things than say the hard things

& Realize how much you've been struggling

& How much you feel as if life has gone out of your control.

I've Been Tagged, Against My Will.

That Loser @raychelceleste Tagged Me Like Five Years Ago, And After Fixing My Blog And Realizing I Have Not Posted In Close To Over A Month (Opps!) I Decided I Will Do This Little Thingy Right Here, Okay Here We Go:

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
I Know Some Girl At Richland Northeast Had The Same Birthday As Me, But

I Can't Remember What Her Name Was.

2. Where was your first kiss?
Fourth Grade. Baha.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property?
No, I'm Not That Spontaneous.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yes, Some People Deserve It.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
Yes, All The Time For School And Church.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex?
Eyes Or Height.

7. What really turns you off?
Stupid People Really.

8. What do you order at Starbucks?
Anything With Carmel In It.

9. What is your biggest mistake?
Hm, I Make Mistakes Everyday, Twenty Four Seven, But As Of Right Now, The Only Big Mistake I Can Say I've Made Is Not Being Honest About A Certain Situation, Or Not Telling Someone What Needed To Be Told.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Emotionally maybe, but definitely not physically.

11. Say something totally random about yourself.
I Dance With My Headphones In And My ipod Turned All The Way Up To Every Kind of Music You Can Possibly Think Of.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
I Have Gotten Random Things, That I Look Like The Girl From Titanic, That I Look Like Marylin Monroe, Very Random Stuff, But For The Most Part I Don't Think I Look Like Anyone Famous.

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows?
I Love Kiddie Movies!

14. Did you have braces?
Nope, Never Been To The Dentist Either, Slacking.

15. Are you comfortable with your height?
Yes, I'm Not Comfortable With The Fact That Most Guys Still Have Not Reached My Height, But Um, We Are Getting There...Hopefully.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you?
Probably What This Person Did For Me On My Sixteen Birthday, It Was So Cute And Adorable. I Am Not Going To Give Out All The Details, But It Was Pretty Awesome And Took Me By Surprise.

17. When do you know its love?
When You Are Willing To Stop Being Selfish, And When It's Not All About You Anymore, And You Can Look Through Some Of The Flaws That Person Has, And Their Past.

18. Do you speak any other languages?
I Can Speak Scattered French.

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
No Ma'am.

20. What magazines do you read?
AP! And People.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yes A Couple Times For Random Stuff.

22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
A Good Friend Yes, But I've Been Lucky Enough To Only Lose One Person

In My Life. And That My Friends Is What We Called Blessed.

23. Do you watch MTV?
On And Off. Nothing Really Interesting On There Anymore.

24. What’s something that really annoys you?
Umm Society. (:

25. What’s something you really like?
Bright Colors, Indie Music, Witty People, Charming People, Blah Blah Etc.

26. Do you like Michael Jackson?
His Music Was Something Very Interesting. Yes Music Yes...His Life Style No.

27. Can you dance?
I'm Pretty Good For A White Girl.

28. What’s the latest you have ever stayed up?
I Have Pulled An All Nighter Once, Will NEVER Do That Again.

I Get Very Cranky.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
No thank God.

30. Tag 5 people!

I'm Tagging:

@Jonny_Frank

@ AaronxFlavored

@MeghanGillespie

@ohashleyy

@UrQueen2Be_Liah

It has been said that you meet people wherever you venture. People like you, people different from you. People with the same story, and people with a completely different story. People who are there for the exact same reason you are, or people who are there for something completely different. But, whatever the situation these “people” turn from strangers,

to acquaintances, to friends, to best friends, and then into family. When I left Richland Northeast I left behind not just my friends, but people who have grown into family, and honestly I think everyone knows I miss them so much. But at A.C. Flora I have met plenty of new people to call friends, but there are two people in particular that have become my sisters. Natalie and Kianna, both sophomores, both from different schools (Natalie is from Georgia and Kianna from Connecticut), both first years at A.C Flora just like me. Kianna and I met by chance, through and random and awkward guidance consoler visit and Natalie is in my French

class. The first found memory I have is spending time in the library during 3^rd block “a” day

talking about how it’s hard to trust people now-a-days. How even your own family could turn against you. Every single one of us has been through that situation with a friend, and as we exchanged stories, smiles, and laughs each one of us knew that this was the start of something epic. I have never meet people who act exactly like me, have the same humor, and simple put…not normal. Even though I miss friends at Richland Northeast it’s good to know that I have people at A.C. Flora I can trust, and who I honestly have fun with. And the age old

saying fits perfectly for our group…”Me and my girls don’t turn heads, we break necks.”

I And Love And You;

Today, while reading the liner notes for The Avett Brothers new album, i came across a mission statement. Non-profits are supposed to have mission statements but i'd never seen one from a band. The words are meant to explain some other words, the album's brave title, "I and Love and You". i found it all brilliant and wanted to share it with you.

Peace to you.
Jamie (Founder Of To Write Love On Her Arms)

*For Original Blog Post

Click Here

"The words "I" and "Love" and "You" are the watermark of humanity. Strung together, they convey our deepest sense of humility, of power, of truth. It is our most common sentiment, even as the feeling of it is so infinitely uncommon: each to proclaim these three words with his or her very own heart and mindset of reason (or lack thereof); a proclamation completely and perfectly new each time it is offered. Uttered daily and nightly by millions, the words are said in an unending array of circumstances : whispered to a newborn in a mothers arms; shared between best friends on the playground; in the form of sympathy - said by a girl to a boy, as the respect continues but the relationship does not. It is said too loudly by parents to embarassed children in the company of their friends, and by grown children - to their fading parents in hospital beds. The words are thought in the company of the photograph and said in the company of the gravestone. It is how we end our phone calls and our letters... the words at the bottom of the page that trump all those above it, a way to gracefully finish a message, however important or trivial, with the most meaningful gift of all : the communication of love. And yet the words themselves have been the victims of triviality, a ready replacement for lesser salutations among near strangers, burst forth casually as "love ya." Truly? To what degree? Why, how much, and for how long? These are questions befitting of the stature of love, though not the everyday banter of vague acquaintance. The words have also been twisted by the dark nature of deceit : To say "I love you" with a dramatic measure of synthetic emotion; a snare set by those who prey uponn fellow humanity, driven to whatever selfish end, to gain access to another's body, or their money, or their opportunity. In this realm, the proclamation is disgraced by one seeking to gain rather than to give. In any case, and by whatever inspiration, these words are woven deeply in to the fibers of our existence. Our longing to hear them from the right place

is maddeningly and simultaneously our finest strength and our most gentle weakness.The album "I and Love and You" is unashamedly defined by such a dynamic of duality. As living people, we are bound by this unavoidable parallel. We are powerful yet weak, capable yet temporary. Inevitably, an attempt to place honesty within an artistic avenue will follow suit. This is a piece which shows us as we are : products of love surrounded by struggle. The music herein is, in many ways, readable as both a milestone and an arrival. A chapter in the story of young men, it bridges the space between the uncertainty of youth and the reality of it's release. The record is full with the quality of the question and response. As far as questions go, there are plenty-normally residing within the tone and delivery of the lyrics themselves, which, ironically, are sung with so much confidence. Among songs and thoughts so driven and purposeful, the most basic relatable doubt comes through with a resounding clarity. Outside of the eternal theme of romantic love, the album speaks thankfully upon a landscape of light-filled rooms, word-filled pages, time machines, forgiveness, singing birds, ocean waves, art ,change, confessions of shortcomings, and reasons to continue on. Hope and a cause for smiling follow naturally. In the midst of all this, there are allusions to the less-than-ideal conditions of life : the loss of memory, the inability to control temper, insecurity, indecision, jaded indifference, and the general plague of former and current weakness. "I and Love and You" is an album of obvious human creation, chracterized by it's best and it's worst. Emotional imperfection is a reality for those who recorded the piece, just as it is for those who will hear it. The conclusion of the song from which the title is taken admits that the words "I love you" have become "hard to say". And perhaps that difficulty is as common as it's counterpart. Perhaps the inability to say these heaviest of words is as much a part of life as the lighthearted candor of those who say them without any difficulty at all. And so it ends with the phrase whispered to and by those of us most defeated and most elated... I and love and you..."

- The Avett Brothers

Untitled:

Don’t make me feel the way I seem

On a level such as yours

For the clothes I have on with such black gleam

Are not nearly me, for sure.

What could be near to what’s inside?

Is no fear, hate, or doubt

The love within that I cannot hide

My colors, no life without.

Times going fast and theres not much left

But I think I’ll be just fine

Stick to sound, keep mine, no theft

And keep the past behind

So please, if you will, don’t fear or hate

For music’s my life, my future, my fate.

By: Austin Chadwick

To Do And Sunday Secrets:

A teenager is a person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number. A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy before breakfast, A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday and spends it on Tuesday and borrows her best friend's allowance on Wednesday. Someone who can hear her favorite singer three blocks away, but not her mom in the next room. A whiz that can operate the latest computer without a lesson, but can't make a bed, A student who spends twelve minutes studying for history, but twelve hours studying for her driver's license. An enthusiast who has the energy to bike four miles but is too tired to do the dishes, A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the little brother. A teenager is a romantic who never falls in love for more than a week, a budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off. A boy who can sleep 'til noon on any Saturday when he expects the lawn needs mowing, and an original thinker who is positive that their parents where never teenagers.

September 10th: World Suicide Prevention Day

What comes to mind when you hear the words "Suicide Prevention"?

Is it really possible to prevent suicide?

We know it isn't simple. We know it isn't easy. But we do believe in hope and we do believe in help, and we believe that people need other people. And if those ideas are real and true, then we believe that it is possible to prevent suicide.

And we don't think it's a work only for the experts. We believe there's a part for all of us to play, that perhaps suicide prevention begins in countless simple miracles every single day. Perhaps it starts with two friends sitting down for coffee... And one of them asks "How are you doing". Perhaps it starts when

we choose to live less alone, when we choose to let people in - to know us, to love us, to walk alongside us. Call it "community" or call it the way things are supposed to be. We're willing to say that suicide prevention starts there - it starts when we're willing to talk, willing to ask the hard question, willing to say the honest thing. Maybe the bravest move we'll ever make it to ask for help. Or ask how we can help someone we love.

Maybe it starts when we push back at the stereotype and the lies that fuel the stigma that says pain is something we're not allowed to talk about, or that pain is for people a certain age who dress a certain way and like a certain song. Those are lies. The truth is that pain is part of being human. The questions will continue to come. We all get stuck in moments. The good news is that there is also hope and love and change. The good news is that we were meant for friends. The good news is counseling and treatment. The

good news is that we don't have to go alone.

"Suicide Prevention."
What's your part to play? We're all invited. Smile at someone, know someone, say something, ask the question, make the call, take the drive. Every life is priceless and fragile. We get to guard and fight and care, for the people around us. There are plenty of things to fight about and for over the course of our lives - let's remember that people are the most important thing, the brightest surprises on the planet. Let's remember that every single person has a story entirely unique and incredibly important, but not everyone can see it. And what a privilege that we get to do our best to remind and invite people, to believe better things, to believe that it's possible to change, to believe that life is worth living... We're not saying that it's easy. But we're saying that it's worth it.

Love is the movement. Thank you for caring.
-Jamie Tworkowski (From To Write Love On Her Arms)

*Click Here For More Information On World Suicide Prevention Day

*For more info and statistics on suicide from the World Health Organization, click here.

In Loving Memory Of Theadore Mack

You Are Missed. <3

Things That Make Me Go (:

*This Idea was originally taken from Raychel Celeste over at Favorite Mistakes, Check Her Out.

The Top Then Things That Bring the Biggest Smile on My Face:

10.) Text Messages from RNE People, Simply Saying “I Miss You.”

9.) GOOD Indie Music.

8.) Southern Hospitality.

7.) My Kitten Cuddling With Me Every Morning When I Wake Up.

6.) Fall Weather.

5.) Tan lines, After the Worst Sunburn Ever.

4.) A Little Good News, Even In Worst Times.

3.) Coffee at Starbucks in Five Points.

2.) Live Bands.

1.) Memories.

Dear You Know Who You Are;

I've found that it's a good thing to go through heartache at one point or another in your lifetime. Not the petty, childhood heartache. But the horrible kind we've experienced. But see, when you get to the healing part of this, you will have so much love to share with someone. You will be able to appreciate someone in ways even you cannot understand. You will be so much stronger than you were before. I know how much this sucks right now and I know it seems unfair, but when it's all said and done with, this will all make sense. All this pain you are going through at this moment will eventually teach you some of the greatest lessons in life you will ever need to learn.

A Life Time Of Secrets:

A.C Flora In A Nutt Shell;

It has been two weeks since I propelled myself into a new school, new people, new rules, new expectations, new everything. (okay if you STILL don’t know by now I was recently forced to leave the best school ever to go to something…well less awesome.) There are certain “rumors” we will call them about Richland One schools, and I’m not going to lie, they are true for the most part. The first day was very awkward as to I didn’t know anymore, but I walked up to the first people I saw and said some simple words to them, “Ummm?!? Where am I suppose to go?” This couple was John and his girlfriend lacy, whom helped me around the school, tell me about the people there, which teachers to push buttons with, which to avoid, to NOT make eye contact with the cafeteria food (it’s been said to take souls) and all that good stuff. Getting back into a A day and B day schedule was difficult since I haven’t had one of those since 7^th grade, but for the most part I enjoy and love all my teachers, they are so snarky and sarcastic which is the environment I work best in. I have made some new friends, all of them very chill. One in particular is Kianna, who is a sophomore like myself, but she moved to South Carolina from Connecticut a couple months ago, so was brand new like me. She new just what I was going through/feeling and she quickly became my best friend. It’s been said all the cute guys go to Richland One, I believe this now. They guys are VERY bold though; I couldn’t tell you how many asked for my number or asked me out within two minutes of knowing me. Yes, I’m having fun with this. I’m not going to lie, I honestly miss RNE and if I could go back there, I would do it in a heart beat, but A.C Flora isn’t as bad as people made it out to be, in the end the people are amazingly awesome, and the classes/teachers are amazing as well (that was one run on sentence and I’m to lazy to fix it.) I’m sure I will have more to blog about once the school year goes on, But just to let ya’ll know so far so good.

The Scarlet Ibis By James Hurst

Summer was dead, but autumn had not yet been born when the ibis came to the bleeding tree. It's strange that all this is so clear to me, now that time has had its way. But sometimes (like right now) I sit in the cool green parlor, and I remember Doodle. Doodle was about the craziest brother a boy ever had. Doodle was born when I was seven and was, from the start, a disappointment. He seemed all head, with a tiny body that was red and shriveled like an old man's. Everybody thought he was going to die. Daddy had the carpenter build a little coffin, and when he was three months old, Mama and Daddy named him William Armstrong. Such a name sounds good only on a tombstone. When he crawled on the rug, he crawled backward, as if he were in reverse and couldn't change gears. This made him look like a doodlebug, so I began calling him 'Doodle.' Renaming my brother was probably the kindest thing I ever did for him, because nobody expects much from someone called Doodle. Daddy built him a cart and I had to pull him around. If I so much as picked up my hat, he'd start crying to go with me; and Mama would call from wherever she was, "Take Doodle with you." So I dragged him across the cotton field to share the beauty of Old Woman Swamp. I lifted him out and sat him down in the soft grass. He began to cry. "What's the matter?" "It's so pretty, Brother, so pretty." After that, Doodle and I often went down to Old Woman Swamp. There is inside me (and with sadness I have seen it in others) a knot of cruelty borne by the stream of love. And at times I was mean to Doodle. One time I showed him his casket, telling him how we all believed he would die. When I made him touch the casket, he screamed. And even when we were outside in the bright sunshine he clung to me, crying, "Don't leave me, Brother! Don't leave me!" Doodle was five years old when I turned 13. I was embarrassed at having a brother of that age who couldn't walk, so I set out to teach him. We were down in Old Woman Swamp. "I'm going to teach you to walk, Doodle," I said. "Why?" "So I won't have to haul you around all the time." "I can't walk, Brother." "Who says so?" "Mama, the doctor–everybody.""Oh, you can walk." I took him by the arms and stood him up. He collapsed on to the grass like a half-empty flour sack. It was as if his little legs had no bones. "Don't hurt me, Brother." "Shut up. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to teach you to walk." I heaved him up again, and he collapsed. "I just can't do it." "Oh, yes, you can, Doodle. All you got to do is try. Now come on," and I hauled him up once more. It seemed so hopeless that it's a miracle I didn't give up. But all of us must have something to be proud of, and Doodle had become my something. Finally one day he stood alone for a few seconds. When he fell, I grabbed him in my arms and hugged him, our laughter ringing through the swamp like a bell. Now we knew it could be done. We decided not to tell anyone until he was actually walking. At breakfast on our chosen day I brought Doodle to the door in the cart. I helped Doodle up; and when he was standing alone, I let them look. There wasn't a sound as Doodle walked slowly across the room and sat down at the table. Then Mama began to cry and ran over to him, hugging him and kissing him. Daddy hugged him, too. Doodle told them it was I who had taught him to walk, so they wanted to hug me, and I began to cry. "What are you crying for?" asked Daddy, but I couldn't answer. They didn't know that I did it just for myself, that Doodle walked only because I was ashamed of having a crippled brother. Within a few months, Doodle had learned to walk well. Since I had succeeded in teaching Doodle to walk, I began to believe in my own infallibility. I decided to teach him to run, to row, to swim, to climb trees, and to fight. Now he, too, believed in me; so, we set a deadline when Doodle could start school. But Doodle couldn't keep up with the plan. Once, he collapsed on the ground and began to cry. "Aw, come on, Doodle. You can do it. Do you want to be different from everybody else when you start school?" "Does that make any difference?" "It certainly does. Now, come on." And so we came to those days when summer was dead but autumn had not yet been born. It was Saturday noon, just a few days before the start of school. Daddy, Mama, Doodle, and I were seated at the dining room table, having lunch. Suddenly from out in the yard came a strange croaking noise. Doodle stopped eating. "What's that?" He slipped out into the yard, and looked up into the bleeding tree. "It's a big red bird!" Mama and Daddy came out. On the topmost branch perched a bird the size of a chicken, with scarlet feathers and long legs. At that moment, the bird began to flutter. It tumbled down through the bleeding tree and landed at our feet with a thud. Its graceful neck jerked twice and then straightened out, and the bird was still. It lay on the earth like a broken vase of red flowers, and even death could not mar its beauty. "What is it?" Doodle asked. "It's a scarlet ibis," Daddy said. Sadly, we all looked at the bird. How many miles had it traveled to die like this, in our yard, beneath the bleeding tree? Doodle knelt beside the ibis. "I'm going to bury him." As soon as I had finished eating, Doodle and I hurried off to Horsehead Landing. It was time for a swimming lesson, but Doodle said he was too tired. When we reached Horsehead landing, lightning was flashing across half the sky, and thunder was drowning out the sound of the sea. Doodle was both tired and frightened. He slipped on the mud and fell. I helped him up, and he smiled at me ashamedly. He had failed and we both knew it. He would never be like the other boys at school. We started home, trying to beat the storm. The lightning was near now. The faster I walked, the faster he walked, so I began to run. The rain came, roaring through the pines. And then, like a bursting Roman candle, a gum tree ahead of us was shattered by a bolt of lightning. When the deafening thunder had died, I heard Doodle cry out, "Brother, Brother, don't leave me! Don't leave me!" The knowledge that our plans had come to nothing was bitter, and that streak of cruelty within me awakened. I ran as fast as I could, leaving him far behind with a wall of rain dividing us. Soon I could hear his voice no more. I stopped and waited for Doodle. The sound of rain was everywhere, but the wind had died and it fell straight down like ropes hanging from the sky. I peered through the downpour, but no one came. Finally I went back and found him huddled beneath a red nightshade bush beside the road. He was sitting on the ground, his face buried in his arms, which were resting on drawn-up knees. "Let's go, Doodle." He didn't answer so I gently lifted his head. He toppled backward onto the earth. He had been bleeding from the mouth, and his neck and the front of his shirt were stained a brilliant red. "Doodle, Doodle." There was no answer but the ropy rain. I began to weep, and the tear-blurred vision in red before me looked very familiar. "Doodle!" I screamed above the pounding storm and threw my body to the earth above his. For a long time, it seemed forever, I lay there crying, sheltering my fallen scarlet ibis

Bites Of Wisdom:

One: Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Two: I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Three: Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Four: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

Five: Five: Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Six: Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Seven: Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Eight: Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

Nine: An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

Ten: There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

Eleven: In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Twelve: I am a nutritional overachiever.

Thirteen: I am having an out of money experience.

Fourteen: I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

Fifteen: A day without sunshine is like night.

Sixteen: If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

Seventeen: It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

Guest Post: Stacey Rippy "I'm going to Haiti." someone replies "You're going to Hades?...Why?"...

(this is a pic of one of the walls in a Voodoo witch doctor's house that some toured while in Haiti)

Most Haitians practice a combination of Catholicism and Voodoo

It has been said that Haiti was dedicated to satan in 1791 and rededicated in 1991 to the same.

Regardless it was my observance that God still owns it...

He owns everything and satan will meet his sure end.

I've never been asked to guest blog before, this is a first for me and I want to first thank Shannon for inviting me.....Thanks Shannon! Ok...this is what I experienced in Haiti...

I am not what I would consider a very daring, adventurous person. I'm not usually a risk taker either. I like to keep my life within arms reach and not get too far outside of my own comfort level when it comes to my adventurous side. So, this trip for me was a new experience for sure. When I found out there was an opportunity for me to go on a mission trip through my church, my initial reaction was, sign me up. Then I thought about it. I quickly changed my own mind and decided I would stay in the good ole USA and pray for the ones who were going. I felt completely at peace with my decision.

A few weeks later,while dining with some ladies from several churches in North and South Carolina at the Pastor's Wives and Women Minister's retreat, God told me I had to go. Now let me tell you I was not happy about this AT ALL and He said "write a check for your deposit to hold your spot". I wish I could say I'm one of those obedient children who jump when their father speaks. On the contrary I like to argue my case and so I did...at the dinner table. He won the arguement and I, with shaking hands, wrote out my check for $100.00 to secure my spot along with the 36 other people who ended up going to Haiti with me.

Needless to saw I made it out alive and lived to tell about my experience there. It was more traumatic for me than it had to be. I along with others who were going took precautionary measures to prevent Malaria by taking medications.The medication I happened to have prescribed to me was Mefloquin. My Pastor's wife started it a week before I did and had a very bad reaction from it and had to switch medications. I should have switched but didn't and the side effect I experienced from it was Paranoid Schizophrenia. It was listed as one of the many abnormal side effects this drug is known for. I didn't realize until the end of my trip that I was experiencing symptoms from the drug reaction. Instead I lived a delusion for the last half of my time in Haiti and thought I would never make it out of there alive. I even wondered why God would send me there to be hacked to death by a machete....or stabbed in the back of the neck by some voodoo practicing Haitian who didn't want me there.

My Delusions started the first night I was there. When it was time for bed I found myself scared to go to sleep. Every time I would close my eyes I would see distorted and scary Haitian faces flash before my eyes and I would immediately open them back up. I think the first two nights I slept a total of 2 hours tops. During the day I was fine and did everything I needed to as far a service goes to be an effective missionary on my trip. Nights were scary in Haiti. The second night we were there we took a walk (on the compound grounds that was fenced in) and during the middle of the adventure, the Missionary that lives there pointed out to us that all along the path we were walking on were giant tarantula holes with tarantulas either in them or close by. I saw 4 that night. I hate spiders....especially big blackish grey furry ones that could cover my entire face! The guy told us it's best to sleep with the beds away from the walls (this did not help me sleep I tell ya!).

Several Haitians worked on the compound where we were staying. Some were in charge of driving the vehicles, others were in charge of security, still others were translators/teachers and all of them worked together doing things around the compound to keep things going the way they needed to. I was convinced by the end of the week that three of the translators were planning to take over the compound and kill us all. Then I found out that Amber the resident missionary's wife (they are both missionaries) had a death in her family and so they had to fly out unexpectedly for the funneral a day before we were scheduled to leave. I felt sure that this would be the perfect opportunity for the Haitian take over and one night as I was going up to the main house I saw one of the Haitians sharpening his machete and it invoked an anxiety attack.

Our last night there we had dinner at a resort and had to ride back to the compound after dark. A lot of the Haitians are afraid of the dark and with good reason. It's a scary place. Traveling in the daytime is scary enough in Haiti. There are no traffic laws and when you have 6 people in the back of a pick up truck driving at speeds unknown but fast, playing chicken with oncoming vehicles of every size to see who owns the road, it terrifies you. Doing that at night with machete holding Haitians walking the streets makes you put your head between your legs and say with eyes squitched shut "there's no place like home" over and over again with tears streaming down your face. Then you realize with your head in that position your neck is an open target for a knife in the back. (Can someone say paranoia?) When we got to the village that night we were riding through and people were shouting things at us in Creole that we couldn't understand and they were hitting the sides of the trucks. The interpreter that rode with us at one point while we were slowing down in an area to keep from hitting people in the road was screaming at the driver "Don't Stop! Keep Going!" I was never so happy to hear the sound of the iron gate shut behind us and lock as we entered the compound that night.

I know this is probably not the perspective of a mission trip that most would expect to hear. I'm just being real about some of what I experienced while I was there. I decided once I got home to quit taking the Malaria preventative and just pray that the one mosquito that bit me in Haiti wasn't infected with the parasite that causes Malaria.

Other than my state of mind in Haiti I got a lot out of the trip. I blogged daily of the things I experienced beyond my delusions at staceyrippy.blogspot.com if you're interrested. Thanks for letting me share...and if you plan to go on a mission trip where your are required to take Malaria medication, opt for the ones with less mind altering effects like Chloroquine or Doxycycline.

Now that my head is clearing up, I do not think the interpreters were planning a take over. They were all very nice guys and I hate that my fears kept me away from them more than near them. God Bless them all at Childrens Lifeline International in La Digue,Haiti! I will especially miss my friend Renel who in my last few minutes on the compound presented me with a small picture of himself with his hand over his heart. He wrote his name on the back of it and though I didn't understand him because of translation, He was telling me not to forget him and his music will forever play in my mind.

Sunday Secrets

It's not just here that we need to believe, not just in this city. Because everyone's tested, everywhere.

How much pressure can we handle before we crack? What will it take to piece us back together? Because whether You sent us angels or not, the only real hope we have is each other.

We get lost, we're afraid...and You know what it's like for the lost and the frightened. They lose faith in You, in themselves, in each other.

So maybe You've sent us those angels, or maybe...maybe You just need us to believe in them. But for me, I need You.

This time my faith, my belief, even in the angels You might've sent my way...they're not enough. They're not enough, not this time.

Please, please help me. Don't let this happen again.

(The Cleaner)

*Original Post: Favorite Mistakes

I Shouldn't Hate This School Already!

So today we went to register myself into A.C. Flora high school. The way they run their school so far, is making me feel disorganized, and frustrated. The women who was doing our registration not only was about to get on my last nerves, and from the look of the other parents faces that where in there with us, it already looked like she crossed that line. Richland two will always be the better school district, and Richland Northeast will ALWAYS be my favorite school. Anyway, the air-headed women who even admitted she didn’t know what she was doing, after thirty minutes of us saying the same freaking thing to her and her being to incompetent to comprehend anything that came from my/my mom’s mouth, she finally gave me a map of the school. The way the school is laid out I just have a feeling like I’m gonna be spending most of my time looking for my classes then actually being in them. Unlike Richland two, Richland one doesn’t give you schedules, on the first day of school at A.C. Flora, there will be papers posted up at the front of the school with EVERYONE’S names on it and a class room, from there you go find your class room and eventually you will get your class schedule. Maybe it’s just me, but that is the most unorganized way to give a bunch of teenagers who will be wondering around campus looking like idiots, there class schedules, like is it really that hard to give everyone a print out early so we can at least know where we are going and what classes we have? Also, there is NO LATE START, I hope these people are prepared to see my pissy side, because late start was the day for me to regain some of the sleep that I didn’t have that week. This is especially gonna suck if my sleeping disorder starts back up again, which I know it will because it happens every time I’m stressed out. So getting five hours of sleep a week, is not gonna be working for me. School starts at 8:00 and ends at 3:15. And they have those stupid A Days, And B Days, which is what I’m sure a lot of people had to deal with in middle school, which also are stupid and a waste of my flipping time! Anyway, that is all….for now.

P.S. School Starts Monday The 17^th. Wa!

Just A Thought:

Today I saw two soldiers praying while I was out and about. This is something you don’t see very often. Why is it that in a country where we are free to worship whatever we choose, we rarely do it? People in foreign countries would kill for freedom like this, and yet we throw it away like it’s nothing? Why are people afraid to let others know about God, but they are quick to give someone a piece of their mind? Are our lives so busy that we can’t take two seconds to sit down and think/pray to God, but we can take those two seconds to answer that text from your crush? I myself am guilty of this too, but it made me think if soldiers can take time out of defending our country to pray, even if it was a short, heartfelt one, why can’t we take time to do the same and take advantage of those freedoms we are given, just a thought.

It's those moments when you drive around in a car full of friends around a town too small for you. Where you gasp for breath between each laugh. It's those moments where you get high off just breathing in so deep, you feel your lungs getting cold. For a second, that split second, you don't care. You don't care about school, about parents, about money, about rules, or broken hearts. Who you care about are the kids sitting next to you. Cause it's all we really need isn't it? Those kids next to you. Yeah, the ones who make you feel invincible, even at your weakest points.

Miserable At Best Lyrics By Mayday Parade:

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
The nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
And I need it

So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

Ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best.